I get stuck at the first sentence Writer/director/producer/hack Eli Roth is a 33-year-old adolescent who loves to ogle titties but distrusts women and suspects deep down that there’s something kinda icky about them, laugh horrendously, then remember there's more to the review.

I know it's a great way to make all the fine, young dudes in the audience laugh, but how do you seriously mistake a gaping wound on an upper thigh with a vagina?

Oh, that's right, Mr. Roth: Yucky, dirty vaginas.