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This is something I've been wanting to share, and always intended to: the opening series of scenes to my screenplay, Rain Dogs.
It's been said that the first 5-10 pages of a screenplay must be dynamic enough to capture the reader's attention. Hopefully, I've been able to do just that.
word count: 985 (three pages)
A BLACK SCREEN
The panicked footfalls and gasping struggles for breath of a running woman echo heavily throughout a cobblestone street.
FADE IN:
EXT. PARIS, FRANCE - NIGHT - PRESENT DAY
The still, beautifully fraught, wide-eyed face of a young woman, AVIVA CRÉMIEUX. Hers is a haunting countenance; her pale skin marred with streaks of red as she bleeds profusely from a nasty gash above her forehead. Despite this circumstance, Aviva retains her composure with her eyes fixedly directed in front of her. In this moment, she is the center of the universe.
EXT. PARIS, FRANCE - NIGHT - FLASHFORWARD
Clad only in a white slip of a dressing gown, Aviva runs barefoot through the cobblestone streets of the city. Even as the throbbing pain of her wound and the strain of her emotions bears down on her, Aviva cannot stop.
INT. REGISTRY OFFICE - DAY - FLASHBACK
Aviva stands in line in a pitiful excuse for an office, set up in a building that has been requisitioned by the occupying German forces. Drab and sparse with far too bright lighting, French citizens from all walks of life queue up in line to register their status. With people lined up behind her, ahead of her, and bustling about around her, no one present, save for the NAZI SS OFFICERS handling the situation, is comfortable. Milling about like pests are two SS OFFICERS filming the proceedings with a camera. Their presence is at once irritating and intimidating as they pick and choose people in the line-up at seemingly random to focus in on.
Aviva is one of them. The camera is in her face, but she refuses to acknowledge it. The SS officers SPEAK to each other as they observe her, but she cannot understand them, a fact that they are well aware of. As the SS officers find their amusement in Aviva, she cannot help but give their camera a glimpse from the corner of her eye. It distracts her, enough for Aviva to not notice her turn in line.
Before her, seated behind a desk, is a higher ranking GERMAN OFFICER. He is detached, efficient, and all business. He speaks Aviva's language, though accented with his native tongue. This, coupled with his demeanor, makes him an imposing figure.
GERMAN OFFICER
(in French, subtitled in English)
Your name?
EXT. PARIS, FRANCE - NIGHT - FLASHFORWARD
Aviva stays the course through the city streets. Though she has no known destination in sight, she does not slow her pace.
INT. MUSIC HALL - NIGHT - FLASHBACK
Appropriately and magnificently dressed for the occasion, Aviva is seated in an orchestra pit. As part of an ensemble, she plays her violin with zeal, providing the soundtrack to a theatrical spectacle. But the stage is of no matter to Aviva. Her full focus is on the instrument held within her hands. She is lost to the music and her passion.
EXT. PARIS, FRANCE - NIGHT - PRESENT DAY
Aviva's stare is impenetrable.
AVIVA (V.O.)
(in French, subtitled in English)
My name is Aviva Crémieux.
EXT. PARIS, FRANCE - NIGHT - FLASHFORWARD
Aviva forces herself onward. Her breathing is now strenuous.
INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT - FLASHBACK
Lost in ardor, Aviva MAKES LOVE with MANFRIED HERZ. Here, with each other, the two have their haven. She clings tightly to him in a fervent embrace as his hands, never still, roam over her. Together, their movements grow more demanding and more erratic. As their fervency increases, Aviva's CRIES grow high and keening.
EXT. PARIS, FRANCE - NIGHT - PRESENT DAY
In spite of everything that has led up to this moment, Aviva's mask of stoicism is sustained. Steadily, she looks on.
AVIVA (V.O.)
(in French, subtitled in English)
If there is anything at all that I am to take from this --
EXT. PARIS, FRANCE - NIGHT - FLASHFORWARD
Aviva is losing her breath as she fights back the SOB caught in her throat, but to no avail.
INT. REGISTRY OFFICE - DAY - FLASHBACK
The SS officers filming Aviva have the camera far too close for comfort in her face. But she is steadfast, staring down the German officer seated before her. His next question for Aviva is one he has already determined the answer to.
GERMAN OFFICER
(in French, subtitled in English)
Your religion?
EXT. PARIS, FRANCE - NIGHT - PRESENT DAY
With her white slip and bloody wound, Aviva is a spectral sight as she stands barefoot in the street before Manfried. Here, now, he wears the muted olive green uniform of a German Wehrmacht soldier. His distinctive, militaristic haircut is slightly mussed. Despite their given situation, he remains strikingly handsome.
Nearby them lay the DEAD bodies of two FRENCH POLICEMEN. Aviva and Manfried are flanked on either side by residential buildings, but the neighborhood seems eerily desolate. There are no other signs of life; it is as if the two of them are the last man and woman on earth. Their eyes are fixed on one another; they neither move nor speak.
INT. REGISTRY OFFICE - DAY - FLASHBACK
Aviva gives in to the camera the SS officers have shoved in her face and she looks into it, unwaveringly. She then turns her attention back to the German officer and answers him in the same manner with which he has spoken to her.
AVIVA
(in French, subtitled in English)
I am Jewish.
EXT. PARIS, FRANCE - NIGHT - PRESENT DAY
Aviva and Manfried are hanging by a thread. His heart splits in two at not only the condition she is in, but for what their current state of affairs means for them both. He wants to give of something, anything to her. But try as he might, Manfried cannot find the proper words or gesture.
AVIVA (V.O.)
(in French, subtitled in English)
-- One cannot fight their fate.
The thread breaks.
It's been said that the first 5-10 pages of a screenplay must be dynamic enough to capture the reader's attention. Hopefully, I've been able to do just that.
word count: 985 (three pages)
A BLACK SCREEN
The panicked footfalls and gasping struggles for breath of a running woman echo heavily throughout a cobblestone street.
FADE IN:
EXT. PARIS, FRANCE - NIGHT - PRESENT DAY
The still, beautifully fraught, wide-eyed face of a young woman, AVIVA CRÉMIEUX. Hers is a haunting countenance; her pale skin marred with streaks of red as she bleeds profusely from a nasty gash above her forehead. Despite this circumstance, Aviva retains her composure with her eyes fixedly directed in front of her. In this moment, she is the center of the universe.
EXT. PARIS, FRANCE - NIGHT - FLASHFORWARD
Clad only in a white slip of a dressing gown, Aviva runs barefoot through the cobblestone streets of the city. Even as the throbbing pain of her wound and the strain of her emotions bears down on her, Aviva cannot stop.
INT. REGISTRY OFFICE - DAY - FLASHBACK
Aviva stands in line in a pitiful excuse for an office, set up in a building that has been requisitioned by the occupying German forces. Drab and sparse with far too bright lighting, French citizens from all walks of life queue up in line to register their status. With people lined up behind her, ahead of her, and bustling about around her, no one present, save for the NAZI SS OFFICERS handling the situation, is comfortable. Milling about like pests are two SS OFFICERS filming the proceedings with a camera. Their presence is at once irritating and intimidating as they pick and choose people in the line-up at seemingly random to focus in on.
Aviva is one of them. The camera is in her face, but she refuses to acknowledge it. The SS officers SPEAK to each other as they observe her, but she cannot understand them, a fact that they are well aware of. As the SS officers find their amusement in Aviva, she cannot help but give their camera a glimpse from the corner of her eye. It distracts her, enough for Aviva to not notice her turn in line.
Before her, seated behind a desk, is a higher ranking GERMAN OFFICER. He is detached, efficient, and all business. He speaks Aviva's language, though accented with his native tongue. This, coupled with his demeanor, makes him an imposing figure.
GERMAN OFFICER
(in French, subtitled in English)
Your name?
EXT. PARIS, FRANCE - NIGHT - FLASHFORWARD
Aviva stays the course through the city streets. Though she has no known destination in sight, she does not slow her pace.
INT. MUSIC HALL - NIGHT - FLASHBACK
Appropriately and magnificently dressed for the occasion, Aviva is seated in an orchestra pit. As part of an ensemble, she plays her violin with zeal, providing the soundtrack to a theatrical spectacle. But the stage is of no matter to Aviva. Her full focus is on the instrument held within her hands. She is lost to the music and her passion.
EXT. PARIS, FRANCE - NIGHT - PRESENT DAY
Aviva's stare is impenetrable.
AVIVA (V.O.)
(in French, subtitled in English)
My name is Aviva Crémieux.
EXT. PARIS, FRANCE - NIGHT - FLASHFORWARD
Aviva forces herself onward. Her breathing is now strenuous.
INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT - FLASHBACK
Lost in ardor, Aviva MAKES LOVE with MANFRIED HERZ. Here, with each other, the two have their haven. She clings tightly to him in a fervent embrace as his hands, never still, roam over her. Together, their movements grow more demanding and more erratic. As their fervency increases, Aviva's CRIES grow high and keening.
EXT. PARIS, FRANCE - NIGHT - PRESENT DAY
In spite of everything that has led up to this moment, Aviva's mask of stoicism is sustained. Steadily, she looks on.
AVIVA (V.O.)
(in French, subtitled in English)
If there is anything at all that I am to take from this --
EXT. PARIS, FRANCE - NIGHT - FLASHFORWARD
Aviva is losing her breath as she fights back the SOB caught in her throat, but to no avail.
INT. REGISTRY OFFICE - DAY - FLASHBACK
The SS officers filming Aviva have the camera far too close for comfort in her face. But she is steadfast, staring down the German officer seated before her. His next question for Aviva is one he has already determined the answer to.
GERMAN OFFICER
(in French, subtitled in English)
Your religion?
EXT. PARIS, FRANCE - NIGHT - PRESENT DAY
With her white slip and bloody wound, Aviva is a spectral sight as she stands barefoot in the street before Manfried. Here, now, he wears the muted olive green uniform of a German Wehrmacht soldier. His distinctive, militaristic haircut is slightly mussed. Despite their given situation, he remains strikingly handsome.
Nearby them lay the DEAD bodies of two FRENCH POLICEMEN. Aviva and Manfried are flanked on either side by residential buildings, but the neighborhood seems eerily desolate. There are no other signs of life; it is as if the two of them are the last man and woman on earth. Their eyes are fixed on one another; they neither move nor speak.
INT. REGISTRY OFFICE - DAY - FLASHBACK
Aviva gives in to the camera the SS officers have shoved in her face and she looks into it, unwaveringly. She then turns her attention back to the German officer and answers him in the same manner with which he has spoken to her.
AVIVA
(in French, subtitled in English)
I am Jewish.
EXT. PARIS, FRANCE - NIGHT - PRESENT DAY
Aviva and Manfried are hanging by a thread. His heart splits in two at not only the condition she is in, but for what their current state of affairs means for them both. He wants to give of something, anything to her. But try as he might, Manfried cannot find the proper words or gesture.
AVIVA (V.O.)
(in French, subtitled in English)
-- One cannot fight their fate.
The thread breaks.
FADE OUT
se sentent: 
anxious
anxious32 voix | parle
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