Title: And We Will Feel The Weight
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Shosanna/Fredrick, some Shosanna/Marcel (Yes, piecesofalice , Shosanna/Marcel is necessary to the plot)
Rating: R; violence and sex
Word Count: 3,168
Summary: Shosanna looks back on her relationship with Fredrick as they die together.
Warnings: I first considered cutting the story in half, thus making two separate posts, but due to the situation these characters find themselves in, I decided against that. References from the script are in the story as well, so I've provided links to those under the cut. Also, Conrad Veidt gets a mention and one of his films, The Man Who Laughs makes an appearance. For more on Conrad, go here, for more on the film, here and here. I've also included something at the end for all you readers.



Excerpt 1 Excerpt 2 Excerpt 3 Excerpt 4 Excerpt 5 Excerpt 6 Her age

"Where you think you'll fall,
I adore you.
Where you shut your soul,
I will open for you.
If we had only known, in a way
We'd never reach this ground."
-Jeff Buckley, You & I




She rolled her eyes in annoyance.

"For the fifty-seventh time, oui."

Reaching for her pistol and squeezing the trigger took all of a split second, and he cried out in agony and crashed to the floor.

This wasn't supposed to happen, at least not in this manner.

She wasn't supposed to meet this young man in the first place.

She wasn't supposed to host the premiere of Stolz der Nation at Le Gamaar.

He wasn't supposed to be in the projection booth, just as she wasn't supposed to shoot him in the back.

Most of all, Shosanna Dreyfus was not supposed to fall in love with Fredrick Zoller.

~

All was still on an unusually cool June evening. Shosanna stood on the roof of Le Gamaar, her eyes staring into the darkness that stretched out before her, yet not focusing on anything in particular. She had told Marcel earlier that she would be changing the theater marquee for the upcoming Max Linder film festival, but she had never completed the task. Instead, Shosanna was distracted by the presence of a young German soldier, Private Fredrick Zoller. He had been nothing but cordial and inoffensively pleasant; and as he departed into the night, she watched him walk away, longer than necessary. The fact that she even watched him at all bothered her.

That was over half an hour ago; now Shosanna stood alone, chain-smoking and allowing her mind to wander into unsettling territory.

He is beautiful, but he is one of them.

The sound of approaching footsteps shook her out of her musing and she defensively spun around on her heel to face the intruder. It was only Marcel.

Of course.

Relaxing somewhat, Shosanna greeted him warmly, though he appeared ill-at-ease.

"You are not feeling well, are you?"

Startled by Marcel's observation, Shosanna's brows knitted together and her stance stiffened.

"What makes you think that?"

"Because, Shosanna," he waved his hand at the mess of ash and cigarettes laying at her feet, "you smoke, but not this much…"

"Unless?" She cut in, impatiently.

"Unless something is on your mind." Marcel finished.

Smirking, Shosanna took one last drag off her cigarette before dropping it onto the roof and grinding it out with her foot. Putting her hands on her hips, she then took a step forward and closed the distance between them.

"You should know why, my love," her voice was softer, quieter, "as your eyes work as well as mine, do they not?"

Without a word, he nodded.

Reaching up, Shosanna placed her hands on either side of Marcel's face before further explaining herself,

"Then you have seen that the filth has spread to our country, taking up residence in our city, even attending our theater. You and I both have reason enough to worry."

With that, she pulled his face down to meet hers, and kissed him roughly. Breaking the contact, Shosanna stepped back, turning her attention once again to the night.

"I will be down to bed soon, Marcel." She attempted to assure him, but she did not even give him a glance from over her shoulder.

Something was amiss.

"Oui, Shosanna." He sighed, resignedly.

Though they knew each other for four years and have been involved together for three of them, Shosanna was still guarded and private; there was a part of her that she had kept hidden away.

~

Who wants to send a message to Germany?


Shosanna was overcome with nausea and a mix of emotions over viewing the exploits of the polite, charming Fredrick Zoller, or as she had come to know him: Fredrick Zoller, German War Hero and Film Star. Now she had to host the premiere for his film, directed by Reichsminister Joseph Goebbels, Stolz der Nation.

"Marcel," she called out to the projection booth, "we shall cut it here!"

Even though the screen went blank and the houselights came on, Shosanna did not budge. She remained rigidly seated, contemplating all that there was to come and all she had yet to do. It was just the previous Thursday that she had met Zoller; by the next day, she learned the truth about him. He was reluctant to discuss it and preferred instead to talk about his home back in Munich which he shared with his six older sisters, their theater, and what he hoped to accomplish once the war was over.

Fredrick was younger than her, only nineteen years old, and it showed; he was still naive to some aspects of the world and was a wide-eyed optimist. War hero or not, Fredrick was as far removed from the others as one could be, considering the circumstance they were trapped in. But the fact remained that this lovely boy was a killer, having taken out nearly three hundred Allied soldiers over the course of one weekend. Yet still, Shosanna's mind pondered.

She was incredulous.

"So you're a war hero? Why didn't you tell me?"

In response, Fredrick gave her a small shrug and a smile.

"Everybody knows that, I like you didn't."


Gripping the arm rests tightly, Shosanna recalled the screening of Lucky Kids held earlier that day for Herr Goebbels, Madame Mondino, Standartenführer Landa, Fredrick, and herself. Having to entertain such people, combined with the possibility of hosting the premiere of Stolz der Nation and Landa's presence was enough to nearly drive her into hysterics. Marcel was hidden away in the projection booth, almost leaving Shosanna to her own devices. She clutched the arm rests so intensely that her knuckles were turning white; Fredrick, noticing her discomfort, but not knowing the reasons why, gently put his hand over hers. Shosanna did not argue, nor did she refuse the contact; she found herself welcoming it, and gave him a small smile in return. Fredrick grinned back and they both sat comfortably for the remainder of the film, his hand over hers the entire time. It was enough to let Shosanna forget, even if it was just for a couple of hours.

~

Exhausted, Shosanna made her way from the auditorium to the lobby, wanting nothing more at that moment than to escape to her bed and sleep. However, that was not meant to be, as she was welcomed by the sight of Fredrick Zoller at the front doors. Clenching her jaw, Shosanna opened one of the doors, keeping it ajar. Fredrick immediately removed his side cap with his right hand, and quickly ran his left hand through his hair. As always, his mood was bright, as was his smile,

"Good evening, Mademoiselle Mimieux. I wanted to see how you were doing after earlier today."

Her demeanor calm and voice flat,

"Fredrick, as much as I would like to entertain you, I cannot. The theater is closed for the night, and I am in no mood - "

Stopping herself, Shosanna raised an eyebrow quizzically and inquired,

"Don't they ever miss you? You are the pride of Germany, after all."

He was only momentarily taken aback, his smile unwavering,

"I never noticed if they do, as publicity-wise, they have enough of me to work with; my physical presence isn't always necessary."

Noticing the way her mouth quirked at his response, as well as what he had just set himself up for, Fredrick pressed on, slightly flustered,

"Though not entirely fair to the others, I have been given special privileges."

A fair trade for murder.

Biting her tongue, and against her better judgement, Shosanna opened the door wider and ushered him in. With her hands thrust into the pockets of her coveralls, she walked a couple of steps ahead of him. Fredrick did not mind walking behind Shosanna, as her golden, wheat-colored hair was pulled back and pinned up, leaving her long, pale neck exposed. She was so effortlessly enticing that it was far too easy for him to be distracted by even her slightest mannerism.

"What was it that you wanted, Fredrick?"

His mouth agape, he stammered, but did not have the chance to articulate his thoughts as Shosanna came to a halt. Looking up, Fredrick caught the sight of the theater projectionist on the stairs.

"Do not worry, Marcel. Private Zoller and myself are having a conversation concerning today's earlier events," Shosanna informed him, "you can go ahead and return to your quarters. If I need anything, I'll let you know."

Fumbling with the side cap in his hands, Fredrick gave Marcel a smile and a nod of his head. Blank-faced, Marcel turned way from them, ascended the stairs, and out of sight.

"He is a nice fellow. You are lucky to have such a friend to look out for you."

Shosanna snorted,

"I need no one to look out for me, Fredrick…"

Her voice trailed off and as guilt sunk in, she agreed with him,

"But oui, I am lucky to have such a friend."

Crossing her arms over her chest, Shosanna assessed Fredrick and looked at him expectantly. His hands still worrying the side cap, he straightened his posture and answered her,

"Earlier today, during Lucky Kids, when I held your hand…I want you to know that I wasn't trying anything, I just..."

Shosanna interrupted him.

"It's quite alright, Fredrick. But surely, that's not all you came here to discuss?"

Fredrick appeared to be confused, his head tilted to the side.

"Well, I…"

Apparently it was.

He was absolutely heartbreaking and Shosanna could feel herself slipping away. Recovering from the embarrassment, Fredrick spoke up with more confidence, with that infuriating smile back in place,

"Perhaps we could watch a film that has nothing to do with certain events in Italy?"

Despite herself, Shosanna smiled in return.

"Such as?"

Fredrick's smile grew wider.

"The Man Who Laughs."

Shosanna, for one of the few times in the past four years, was surprised.

"A Conrad Veidt film? You do know that Germany blacklisted him, don't you?"

Fredrick gave a nervous laugh and his voice grew solemn,

"I wear the uniform, oui, but that does not mean my views align with theirs."

A charged silence hung over them and Shosanna knew she was losing herself. Wordlessly, she went about setting up the film in the projection booth as Fredrick took his seat in the auditorium. However, she made the agreement with herself to join him after the final reel was in place.

~

Shosanna was able to sneak in and sit beside Fredrick; he was so enraptured with the film that he barely noticed her company. Onscreen, Gwynplaine's horrific Glasgow smile was revealed to the royal court, eliciting ridicule; his face was permanently scarred with a smile, but the tears in his eyes revealed otherwise. Shosanna looked over to Fredrick, to see that he was crying. Silently, she covered his hand with hers and together they watched as Gwynplaine rebelled against the court, refused the arranged marriage being forced upon him, and fought to be re-united with his love, Dea.

"It was not fair that he was forced into a situation he had no control over," Fredrick whispered to her, "but he would not let it dictate his life, nor keep him from the one he loves."

And with that, Shosanna was lost to him forever.

~

The film, accompanied by the audience's cheers, drowned out the sounds of the gunshots. Her eyes were fixated on the soldier; for as lavish as the film production was, he remained achingly human and vulnerable. On the floor, Fredrick stirred. Onscreen was the heroic fantasy and dying on the floor of her projection booth was the reality. Just like the first night they had met, Shosanna felt compelled to go to Fredrick; she wanted him to know everything, to know the truth.

~

The screen was now blank, a comfortable calm permeated the theater and her hand still covered his. Shosanna made the first move, taking Fredrick's face into her hands and pressing her mouth to his. It was romantic and sweet, the kind of kiss that they'd only seen in films; the kind of kiss shared between two people who had all of eternity together.

~

Shosanna did not begrudge Fredrick as the bullets from his Luger tore through her abdomen and white-hot blinding pain surged throughout her body.

~

They stood before each other in her quarters, both nude and marveling at the sight of one another. The only lighting was provided by the city street lamps and the full moon. Everything about Shosanna - her pale skin, her tousled hair, her perfectly shaped, lithe body - was gorgeously illuminated. Fredrick was just as breath-taking; the light and shadows high-lighted the lean, hard muscle of his body and enhanced his dark eyes and the features of his youthful face. They reached out to each other, Fredrick circling his hands around her waist and Shosanna's hands taking hold of his upper arms. She was pressed close to him, gazing up into his serene face, his half-lidded eyes filled with absolute adoration. Moving his hands, she felt his thumbs glide up to rest just beneath the weight of her small breasts; and as if reading her mind, Fredrick continued to move his hands upward until he was cupping them. Shosanna closed her eyes, enjoying the feel of the heat of his palms against her sensitive skin. Lowering his head, Fredrick kissed her forehead. His voice was low and honeyed,

"Mausi."

He then kissed the tip of her nose.

Moving his hands back to her waist, Fredrick held Shosanna even closer.

"Liebling."

Tilting her head back, she allowed him better access to her mouth; Fredrick's kiss was loving, yet demanding. Shosanna trembled and clutched at his upper arms even harder; in response, Fredrick groaned and slid his thigh between her legs, separating them. He ran his tongue along her lower lip and she opened her mouth for him, deepening the kiss. Together, they moved in the direction of her bed, pulling each other down onto it; Fredrick was sprawled on his back with Shosanna on top, straddling him. He held his breath in anticipation as she lifted her hips and positioned his erection at her opening and in one swift motion, they were one. Just the joining of their bodies was devastating enough; sensing this, Shosanna opted for a different approach. Leaning forward slightly, she braced her hands on his shoulders and gave Fredrick a hushed, nearly desperate command,

"Move with me."

Grasping her hips, Fredrick complied. Every motion, every touch was purposeful and deliberate as they moved in unison in a languid rhythm. It was a slow-burn, a softly heated sensation that grew with intensity as she rocked against him and met his every thrust. Their eyes were locked intently and not a word more passed between them; there was nothing but the sounds of skin-to-skin contact and their breathing. It was becoming unbearable as the heat between them heightened and their movements, their rhythm, grew more frantic. Shosanna sat up straighter and rode Fredrick vigorously; he held on to her hips tight enough to leave bruises, but it was still not enough.

Roughly, he flipped Shosanna onto her back, the weight of him pushing her into the mattress. Like a wild embrace, she wrapped herself around Fredrick, craving the feel of every inch of him; her very core engulfed by his arousal as he drove into her with incredible fervor. Shosanna had never felt anything like she has in this moment, with him; nor had she ever wanted someone so much. Her eyes were dilated to such an extent that there was barely anything left of the iris, her hair was in disarray, her body screaming with the need of a stunning ache. Seeking her mouth once more, Fredrick kissed Shosanna hungrily, passionately, and with such tenderness it made her light-headed.

Gasping for breath, she succeeded in meeting his thrusts, which had become harder, faster, more determined; Fredrick's breath grew more labored, his brow stitched together in concentration. A quiet whimper escaped Shosanna's mouth, which was enough to send him over the edge. Still, he pushed on earnestly, not yet wanting to let go, for her sake. The feeling of him against her, in her, was too precious to give up, far too much to handle. Every sense was heightened and Shosanna's nerves were on fire as small tremors spread through her. Clenching tight around him and crushing his body to her, she came, with Fredrick following immediately after. When Shosanna cried out, it was the most heavenly sound he had ever heard.

~

There was something in his eyes that hurt her more than the bullets; something wounded, a heart-wrenching look of hopeful expectation intermingled with anguish and remorse. It was evident that Fredrick still loved her, and even stronger now in the way he grimaced and how his hand shook violently, hesitating to pull the trigger a final time. And though he did so, it was still an act of love, to take Shosanna out of her misery.

~

A few hours had passed since their love-making ended and Shosanna was now seated on the side of the bed, smoking and mulling over what was to come. Fredrick lay beside her, fast asleep, looking every bit the nineteen year-old boy that he was. His uniform was neatly folded on the cushioned chair next to her vanity; though he may have had special privileges that the other enlisted men did not, Fredrick still had to look the part of the War Hero and Film Star that we was. Shosanna could understand, as she was well aware of the importance of keeping up appearances. Lost in thought, she hardly noticed he had woken up, until he began trailing kisses down her back. Reaching over to the ashtray on the night-stand, she snuffed out the cigarette and eased herself back into bed and into Fredrick's arms. In the pitch-black darkness, his beaming face could light up a room.

"I told you I'm more than just a uniform."

Shosanna could not hold back the peals of laughter.

Nuzzling her neck, Fredrick murmured,

"I love you, Emmanuelle."

It was like a fairytale, the kind she read to her brother Amos: The brave and noble prince who has come to rescue the princess who has been living in isolation in the tower. The prince would fall in love with her and show her that his kingdom was not entirely populated with monsters; that great hope and beauty were still possible. Shosanna could have laughed even harder at the absurdity of it all if only the reality of it all wasn't so depressing.

Relaxing against him, all Shosanna could say was,

"Fredrick, hold me."

Though not the words he preferred to hear, Fredrick could not argue with her request.

~

As her head rolled to the side, away from Fredrick, and she heard the heavy sound of his Luger dropping to the floor, Shosanna realized that perhaps it was best that he did not know the truth; at least not in this life. Just as they began at Le Gamaar, it was only fitting that they should end there. She knew that she would see him again shortly, and that they would have all of eternity to make it up to each other.




Download the glorious glourious Jeff Buckley song responsible for this fic.