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Rain Dogs: The opening
This is something I've been wanting to share, and always intended to: the opening series of scenes to my screenplay, Rain Dogs.
It's been said that the first 5-10 pages of a screenplay must be dynamic enough to capture the reader's attention. Hopefully, I've been able to do just that.
word count: 985 (three pages)
A BLACK SCREEN
The panicked footfalls and gasping struggles for breath of a running woman echo heavily throughout a cobblestone street.
FADE IN:
EXT. PARIS, FRANCE - NIGHT - PRESENT DAY
The still, beautifully fraught, wide-eyed face of a young woman, AVIVA CRÉMIEUX. Hers is a haunting countenance; her pale skin marred with streaks of red as she bleeds profusely from a nasty gash above her forehead. Despite this circumstance, Aviva retains her composure with her eyes fixedly directed in front of her. In this moment, she is the center of the universe.
EXT. PARIS, FRANCE - NIGHT - FLASHFORWARD
Clad only in a white slip of a dressing gown, Aviva runs barefoot through the cobblestone streets of the city. Even as the throbbing pain of her wound and the strain of her emotions bears down on her, Aviva cannot stop.
INT. REGISTRY OFFICE - DAY - FLASHBACK
Aviva stands in line in a pitiful excuse for an office, set up in a building that has been requisitioned by the occupying German forces. Drab and sparse with far too bright lighting, French citizens from all walks of life queue up in line to register their status. With people lined up behind her, ahead of her, and bustling about around her, no one present, save for the NAZI SS OFFICERS handling the situation, is comfortable. Milling about like pests are two SS OFFICERS filming the proceedings with a camera. Their presence is at once irritating and intimidating as they pick and choose people in the line-up at seemingly random to focus in on.
Aviva is one of them. The camera is in her face, but she refuses to acknowledge it. The SS officers SPEAK to each other as they observe her, but she cannot understand them, a fact that they are well aware of. As the SS officers find their amusement in Aviva, she cannot help but give their camera a glimpse from the corner of her eye. It distracts her, enough for Aviva to not notice her turn in line.
Before her, seated behind a desk, is a higher ranking GERMAN OFFICER. He is detached, efficient, and all business. He speaks Aviva's language, though accented with his native tongue. This, coupled with his demeanor, makes him an imposing figure.
GERMAN OFFICER
(in French, subtitled in English)
Your name?
EXT. PARIS, FRANCE - NIGHT - FLASHFORWARD
Aviva stays the course through the city streets. Though she has no known destination in sight, she does not slow her pace.
INT. MUSIC HALL - NIGHT - FLASHBACK
Appropriately and magnificently dressed for the occasion, Aviva is seated in an orchestra pit. As part of an ensemble, she plays her violin with zeal, providing the soundtrack to a theatrical spectacle. But the stage is of no matter to Aviva. Her full focus is on the instrument held within her hands. She is lost to the music and her passion.
EXT. PARIS, FRANCE - NIGHT - PRESENT DAY
Aviva's stare is impenetrable.
AVIVA (V.O.)
(in French, subtitled in English)
My name is Aviva Crémieux.
EXT. PARIS, FRANCE - NIGHT - FLASHFORWARD
Aviva forces herself onward. Her breathing is now strenuous.
INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT - FLASHBACK
Lost in ardor, Aviva MAKES LOVE with MANFRIED HERZ. Here, with each other, the two have their haven. She clings tightly to him in a fervent embrace as his hands, never still, roam over her. Together, their movements grow more demanding and more erratic. As their fervency increases, Aviva's CRIES grow high and keening.
EXT. PARIS, FRANCE - NIGHT - PRESENT DAY
In spite of everything that has led up to this moment, Aviva's mask of stoicism is sustained. Steadily, she looks on.
AVIVA (V.O.)
(in French, subtitled in English)
If there is anything at all that I am to take from this --
EXT. PARIS, FRANCE - NIGHT - FLASHFORWARD
Aviva is losing her breath as she fights back the SOB caught in her throat, but to no avail.
INT. REGISTRY OFFICE - DAY - FLASHBACK
The SS officers filming Aviva have the camera far too close for comfort in her face. But she is steadfast, staring down the German officer seated before her. His next question for Aviva is one he has already determined the answer to.
GERMAN OFFICER
(in French, subtitled in English)
Your religion?
EXT. PARIS, FRANCE - NIGHT - PRESENT DAY
With her white slip and bloody wound, Aviva is a spectral sight as she stands barefoot in the street before Manfried. Here, now, he wears the muted olive green uniform of a German Wehrmacht soldier. His distinctive, militaristic haircut is slightly mussed. Despite their given situation, he remains strikingly handsome.
Nearby them lay the DEAD bodies of two FRENCH POLICEMEN. Aviva and Manfried are flanked on either side by residential buildings, but the neighborhood seems eerily desolate. There are no other signs of life; it is as if the two of them are the last man and woman on earth. Their eyes are fixed on one another; they neither move nor speak.
INT. REGISTRY OFFICE - DAY - FLASHBACK
Aviva gives in to the camera the SS officers have shoved in her face and she looks into it, unwaveringly. She then turns her attention back to the German officer and answers him in the same manner with which he has spoken to her.
AVIVA
(in French, subtitled in English)
I am Jewish.
EXT. PARIS, FRANCE - NIGHT - PRESENT DAY
Aviva and Manfried are hanging by a thread. His heart splits in two at not only the condition she is in, but for what their current state of affairs means for them both. He wants to give of something, anything to her. But try as he might, Manfried cannot find the proper words or gesture.
AVIVA (V.O.)
(in French, subtitled in English)
-- One cannot fight their fate.
The thread breaks.
It's been said that the first 5-10 pages of a screenplay must be dynamic enough to capture the reader's attention. Hopefully, I've been able to do just that.
word count: 985 (three pages)
A BLACK SCREEN
The panicked footfalls and gasping struggles for breath of a running woman echo heavily throughout a cobblestone street.
FADE IN:
EXT. PARIS, FRANCE - NIGHT - PRESENT DAY
The still, beautifully fraught, wide-eyed face of a young woman, AVIVA CRÉMIEUX. Hers is a haunting countenance; her pale skin marred with streaks of red as she bleeds profusely from a nasty gash above her forehead. Despite this circumstance, Aviva retains her composure with her eyes fixedly directed in front of her. In this moment, she is the center of the universe.
EXT. PARIS, FRANCE - NIGHT - FLASHFORWARD
Clad only in a white slip of a dressing gown, Aviva runs barefoot through the cobblestone streets of the city. Even as the throbbing pain of her wound and the strain of her emotions bears down on her, Aviva cannot stop.
INT. REGISTRY OFFICE - DAY - FLASHBACK
Aviva stands in line in a pitiful excuse for an office, set up in a building that has been requisitioned by the occupying German forces. Drab and sparse with far too bright lighting, French citizens from all walks of life queue up in line to register their status. With people lined up behind her, ahead of her, and bustling about around her, no one present, save for the NAZI SS OFFICERS handling the situation, is comfortable. Milling about like pests are two SS OFFICERS filming the proceedings with a camera. Their presence is at once irritating and intimidating as they pick and choose people in the line-up at seemingly random to focus in on.
Aviva is one of them. The camera is in her face, but she refuses to acknowledge it. The SS officers SPEAK to each other as they observe her, but she cannot understand them, a fact that they are well aware of. As the SS officers find their amusement in Aviva, she cannot help but give their camera a glimpse from the corner of her eye. It distracts her, enough for Aviva to not notice her turn in line.
Before her, seated behind a desk, is a higher ranking GERMAN OFFICER. He is detached, efficient, and all business. He speaks Aviva's language, though accented with his native tongue. This, coupled with his demeanor, makes him an imposing figure.
GERMAN OFFICER
(in French, subtitled in English)
Your name?
EXT. PARIS, FRANCE - NIGHT - FLASHFORWARD
Aviva stays the course through the city streets. Though she has no known destination in sight, she does not slow her pace.
INT. MUSIC HALL - NIGHT - FLASHBACK
Appropriately and magnificently dressed for the occasion, Aviva is seated in an orchestra pit. As part of an ensemble, she plays her violin with zeal, providing the soundtrack to a theatrical spectacle. But the stage is of no matter to Aviva. Her full focus is on the instrument held within her hands. She is lost to the music and her passion.
EXT. PARIS, FRANCE - NIGHT - PRESENT DAY
Aviva's stare is impenetrable.
AVIVA (V.O.)
(in French, subtitled in English)
My name is Aviva Crémieux.
EXT. PARIS, FRANCE - NIGHT - FLASHFORWARD
Aviva forces herself onward. Her breathing is now strenuous.
INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT - FLASHBACK
Lost in ardor, Aviva MAKES LOVE with MANFRIED HERZ. Here, with each other, the two have their haven. She clings tightly to him in a fervent embrace as his hands, never still, roam over her. Together, their movements grow more demanding and more erratic. As their fervency increases, Aviva's CRIES grow high and keening.
EXT. PARIS, FRANCE - NIGHT - PRESENT DAY
In spite of everything that has led up to this moment, Aviva's mask of stoicism is sustained. Steadily, she looks on.
AVIVA (V.O.)
(in French, subtitled in English)
If there is anything at all that I am to take from this --
EXT. PARIS, FRANCE - NIGHT - FLASHFORWARD
Aviva is losing her breath as she fights back the SOB caught in her throat, but to no avail.
INT. REGISTRY OFFICE - DAY - FLASHBACK
The SS officers filming Aviva have the camera far too close for comfort in her face. But she is steadfast, staring down the German officer seated before her. His next question for Aviva is one he has already determined the answer to.
GERMAN OFFICER
(in French, subtitled in English)
Your religion?
EXT. PARIS, FRANCE - NIGHT - PRESENT DAY
With her white slip and bloody wound, Aviva is a spectral sight as she stands barefoot in the street before Manfried. Here, now, he wears the muted olive green uniform of a German Wehrmacht soldier. His distinctive, militaristic haircut is slightly mussed. Despite their given situation, he remains strikingly handsome.
Nearby them lay the DEAD bodies of two FRENCH POLICEMEN. Aviva and Manfried are flanked on either side by residential buildings, but the neighborhood seems eerily desolate. There are no other signs of life; it is as if the two of them are the last man and woman on earth. Their eyes are fixed on one another; they neither move nor speak.
INT. REGISTRY OFFICE - DAY - FLASHBACK
Aviva gives in to the camera the SS officers have shoved in her face and she looks into it, unwaveringly. She then turns her attention back to the German officer and answers him in the same manner with which he has spoken to her.
AVIVA
(in French, subtitled in English)
I am Jewish.
EXT. PARIS, FRANCE - NIGHT - PRESENT DAY
Aviva and Manfried are hanging by a thread. His heart splits in two at not only the condition she is in, but for what their current state of affairs means for them both. He wants to give of something, anything to her. But try as he might, Manfried cannot find the proper words or gesture.
AVIVA (V.O.)
(in French, subtitled in English)
-- One cannot fight their fate.
The thread breaks.
FADE OUT
no subject
more, please!I'm the same way once!! Once I start something, it's like it's flowing right through me, so I just have to get over myself as an obstacle and not to give into my fears that it won't be good enough, blah-blah-blah.. So just continue this way!
Michael Mann and Kathryn Bigelow would be great choices, The Last of the Mohicans and Strange Days are among my favorites!!
If I understand it correctly, these pages are a kind of an "introduction", flashbacks to the time during the war and the film would be mainly about how they find the way back to their love, to each other. I love this idea, a true love story!! Would be perfect in a theater as well.
As for the delicate subject, yes it is a delicate, sensitive and complex subject, not easy to talk, write about. But your story, I think is mostly about love, forgiveness and harmony, how they loved each other through time and war despite religion, nationality.. It could be placed anywhere in time or space, during any conflict of human history. Truly inspiring! Also You give Shosanna and Fredrick the ending, they could've never had! I hope this is all make sense for you and not just in my head?!
I'm taking the mix and I'll get back to you once I listened to it. I tried to download it, but box.net is being a b*tch and doesn't even load for me! But fear none I'm going to give it another try later! Yay!
I always imagined Aviva with black hair and red, full lips, so I can just encourage you to go with it!:D
"I couldn't let them take you from me." What a gorgeous moment! So touching!
Also could you recommend me some galleries for Daniel and Mélanie? The ones I know are..very spare. Thanks!
Thank you for including me in this, I feel honored and I greatly appreciate it!
♥♥
no subject
Mine, as well! Near Dark and Manhunter are my ultimate favorites of their work, just for the atmosphere and emotion (Manhunter, especially, is an inspiration. The soundtrack is my all-time favorite).
Yes! It's to quickly and easily establish key elements for Aviva and Manfried so the story can pick up after the war. And absolutely, their love story is the focus; of how they still must fight to be together and how they came to be together in the first place.
Indeed, at its core, it is a love story. It first originally took place during the war, with a variety of other characters. As much I loved them, I wanted the focus to be on Aviva and Manfried, so I pushed it forward and dropped nearly everyone else (I'll save them for something else). I was initially apprehensive to share this others in the beginning, other than a couple close friends because of the delicate nature of the story and setting. Aside from Shoasanna and Fredrick and Zwartboek, there aren't any films that have really approached this kind of story. I understand why, but I think of how Verhoeven based Zwartboek off of a true story, and it made me wonder just how many people were like those characters and like Shosanna and Fredrick in real life.
At the heart of it, what leads Aviva to falling in love with Manfried is how human he is. There's a quite a bit involved here, but I'm keeping some of it under wraps, so as not to spoil you. Manfried is, much like Aviva, devoted to his family, which is, at the point they meet, only his mother - and she is the reason he's even fighting in the war. He served in the Afrika Korps, under Erwin Rommel. During the Siege of Tobruk, Manfried was wounded by shrapnel in his left side, leading to massive blood loss, as well as the loss of his left kidney. He's in Paris because of a commendation from Rommel, and after spending months in recovery, being given attention by a very beautiful French girl is very appealing to him. That's the thing of it, really; Manfried is in a very vulnerable condition, both mentally and to an extent, physically. Yet, he's very willing and ready to be open with Aviva, which initially gets to her. His intentions are very honest and kind, and her identity doesn't deter him. He is, I think, the first man she's ever been with, and she's the first, outside medical personnel, to see his scar.
no subject
"Now we match," she tells him, attempting a bit of humor as he breaks down.
Yes! Everything you said makes perfect sense, and it's exactly what I intend to do with Rain Dogs.
Aw, goodness, I hope box.net works for you! If not, I'm willing to upload it to another site for you.
Excellent! One thing I've learned is to go with my creative instinct and with what feels right, and dark hair is Aviva.
Thank you! I was worried about writing effective dialogue, but as with the rest of the screenplay, I found that it all flowed naturally once I just learned to relax and go with it. There's quite a bit of double-meaning in the things they say to one another, which worked so perfectly without my having to overtly elaborate. For example, when they reunite and Aviva is showing him the papers she forged for his Belgian identity, he takes out a pair of eyeglasses from his shirt pocket so he can read them. In his time away, he got used to having to wear them, but this is the first she's seen of them. I almost had him explain that he had to wear them for reading and how he's depending on them more and more, but I decided to keep it simple. He just tells her,
"I've gotten old these past few years."
She tells him in response, to show her acceptance,
"We all have."
I certainly can! I usually go on danielbruhl.com, but the site is currently down. However, I have lots of photos I have saved from various sources, which I can upload to my photobucket account and link you to. When I made this graphic, I used screencaps of Daniel from In Tranzit, though really, any current images of Daniel work for Manfried. I first wasn't certain of what to show of his time as a soldier, until deciding to show only what Aviva narrates. Since she is telling the story as it has happened, I felt it was best to show the effects of the war on Manfried in the aftermath, rather than having combat scenes, as the man she knows and loves is the man she had first met when he was stationed in Paris.
And of course, for Mélanie: http://www.melanie-laurent.net/gallery/index.php?cat=15
I am more than happy to include you in this! You're a dear friend, a wonderful person, and I very much value your opinions. Rain Dogs has become something very important to me, and I want to share it with all of my friends. ♥
no subject
When they reunite, his hair has grown in from the militaristic style it was previously. Manfried is a bit scruffy at times, such as when the story picks up in 1945 after he's been on the run for a while, and later on, when they're both stuck in a tough situation.
Both Aviva and Manfried smoke, too.
If there's anything else you'd like to know about them, I'd be more than happy to go on.
♥
no subject
There are moments in both comfort and intimacy in which Manfried speaks to Aviva in German, which she understands; things he only says to her.
For these moments, I'm only writing in the script that this dialogue is ad-libbed, as I prefer for it to be determined by the actors to know what would be said between them. It would not be translated into subtitles, as only they would know. It's something that I think would help keep up the much needed intimacy between the characters.